Reading a recent copy of Harvard Business Review I was struck by an article on "niceness". Research has shown that we tend to assume that nice people are rather dim and nastier people are more intellectually gifted.
This came as no surprise to me as I have often felt that sweet natured, gentle, considerate people are passed over in favour of those who criticise, undermine and regularly show their temper.
Take a typical meeting, for instance. Anyone who finds a flaw in an idea (unless it was an idea suggested by the boss) gets brownie points, whilst anyone who says "I like it" is considered to lack critical thinking skills.
If you have ever been told "Your problem is that you are too nice" will know how frustrating that particular criticism is. The implication is that if you are too nice you must be neglecting other character traits such as good judgementt, or that you are someone who is uncomfortable with conflict and always seeks consensus.
This does not need to be the case. For me, "nice" means emotionally intelligent, having the ability to adapt to the people around you, find a bond, make a connection. It means offering praise and acknowledgement when it is due and speaking your mind, whether that be to highlight a flaw in an idea or the brilliance of an idea.
Clearly, there is a problem if niceness is simply a fear-based response to opposing opinions. But where it simply demonstrates mastery of fundamental self-awareness and awareness of the needs of others, it is about time we applauded and celebrated it.
Agree? Disagree? I love differences of opinion so share your thoughts here!
I know many successful people who are really mean. So it is not important to be nice. I am sure
Posted by: freelance writing | August 23, 2011 at 07:22 PM
Ah an issue I myself suffer from, far to often I have been said to be too nice for my own good. And being seen as such is an issue that others find more difficult to deal with. However I believe it is because nice people are more difficult for others to understand, harder to put in a single box, unlike the alternative, who is someone you want to put in a box. What I am saying is that it is not the nice person with the issue, it is those around them, which of course subsiquently means it is the nice person.
The dictionary describes Nice in copious ways, but one definatition of the word is: "characterized by, showing, or requiring great accuracy, precision, skill, tact, care, or delicacy: nice workmanship; a nice shot; a nice handling of a crisis." And lets be honest, what business does not want those types of people in thier company.
Equally this blog posted an artical a while back about successful people who said that it was "good manners" that was a serious factor in thier success, and those are a really nice trait to have and simply make you a nicer person. So although you are looking for different views, on this one, this nice person has to put up his hand and 100% agree, sorry!
Posted by: Paul Kavanagh | March 05, 2009 at 08:47 AM